---
title: Agressively Creating Again
description: null
date: 2026-06-20T01:16:06-07:00
draft: false
category: article
---


_welcome to a horridly constructed stream of conciousness spew of bullshit_



# A thought on Creating for the Sake of Myself


I've was sick for sometime prior to writing this and due to the huge amount of
time I spent rolling around on the rug that became my bed I had a renewed sense
of drive to actually create what I want. It's not really the time that I lost
during this period that upsets me but instead the desire to actually make
something and having no real way of actually doing those things.

In the pursuit of actually trying for a goal I've had in my head for so long I
found myself becoming complacent with myself and ultimately I stopped trying.
Stopped trying to do anything of real meaning to myself: I was just going day
by day isolated in my little apartment becoming increasingly detached from
everything around me.

## A dull mind serves me no purpose

> Working on new projects that challenge my mind's ability to process and manipulate
> things has historically only resulted in far greater issues in the long run.

When this happens I usually have to change my mindset going forward to make a kind
of course correction and ensure I don't completely lose grip on the space around
me. This is exactly what I realized I had to do as my sickness started to fade
and my energy went back to normal. The more I came back and came through the more
I saw how so many around me were allowing their minds to become dull and I just
did _not_ want to deal with the consequences of that sort of thing.


## Shaping space again and running this mind hard again

As for what I've been creating it's a collection of things consisting of long 
standing backlog items I never cleared and projects that I've dreamt of doing.
The small fixes include things like:

* Cleaning off the balcony so it's  work friendly
* Fixing the broken leg on my workbench 
* Fixing up the cable management issue ( bunny keeps attacking wires )
* Fixing my duffle bag zipper

The main project's I've been wanting to tackle and actually have started:

* Working on content to upload to my temper youtube page
* A new desk setup that isn't some cheapo setup from Ikea
* A new daily bag for carry stuff like my wallet, phone etc.


## But why constantly try to be productive

I don't actually care about being productive but moreso because it feels nice
to express what's on my mind physically. For example the desk doesn't really
matter to me so much as the desire to express my idea of acceptable progress
towards some goal.

To elaborate: I'm not good at traditional joinery techniques like making mortise
and tenon joints but I'm ok with making some really janky ones that still end
up being functional. Doing this and expressing it through the build and some
voice over gives me the opportunity to effectively gather like minded people on
the premise that: it's more important to attempt creativity in lieu of perfection.


## What now?

Honestly I'm going to just keep chugging along with the stuff I'm working on.
Even though I hate being busy and brushing people off it seems that this has
happened to me 9999x times by now so to hell with it all. I'm just going to do
the things I want to do and if someone decides to pop up their head from the
sand and wants to do something cool I'll join them.


