schizo posting on the notes page again

content/notes/agressively-creating-again.md

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+---
+title: Agressively Creating Again
+description: null
+date: 2026-06-20T01:16:06-07:00
+draft: false
+category: article
+---
+
+
+_welcome to a horridly constructed stream of conciousness spew of bullshit_
+
+
+
+# A thought on Creating for the Sake of Myself
+
+
+I've was sick for sometime prior to writing this and due to the huge amount of
+time I spent rolling around on the rug that became my bed I had a renewed sense
+of drive to actually create what I want. It's not really the time that I lost
+during this period that upsets me but instead the desire to actually make
+something and having no real way of actually doing those things.
+
+In the pursuit of actually trying for a goal I've had in my head for so long I
+found myself becoming complacent with myself and ultimately I stopped trying.
+Stopped trying to do anything of real meaning to myself: I was just going day
+by day isolated in my little apartment becoming increasingly detached from
+everything around me.
+
+## A dull mind serves me no purpose
+
+> Working on new projects that challenge my mind's ability to process and manipulate
+> things has historically only resulted in far greater issues in the long run.
+
+When this happens I usually have to change my mindset going forward to make a kind
+of course correction and ensure I don't completely lose grip on the space around
+me. This is exactly what I realized I had to do as my sickness started to fade
+and my energy went back to normal. The more I came back and came through the more
+I saw how so many around me were allowing their minds to become dull and I just
+did _not_ want to deal with the consequences of that sort of thing.
+
+
+## Shaping space again and running this mind hard again
+
+As for what I've been creating it's a collection of things consisting of long 
+standing backlog items I never cleared and projects that I've dreamt of doing.
+The small fixes include things like:
+
+* Cleaning off the balcony so it's  work friendly
+* Fixing the broken leg on my workbench 
+* Fixing up the cable management issue ( bunny keeps attacking wires )
+* Fixing my duffle bag zipper
+
+The main project's I've been wanting to tackle and actually have started:
+
+* Working on content to upload to my temper youtube page
+* A new desk setup that isn't some cheapo setup from Ikea
+* A new daily bag for carry stuff like my wallet, phone etc.
+
+
+## But why constantly try to be productive
+
+I don't actually care about being productive but moreso because it feels nice
+to express what's on my mind physically. For example the desk doesn't really
+matter to me so much as the desire to express my idea of acceptable progress
+towards some goal.
+
+To elaborate: I'm not good at traditional joinery techniques like making mortise
+and tenon joints but I'm ok with making some really janky ones that still end
+up being functional. Doing this and expressing it through the build and some
+voice over gives me the opportunity to effectively gather like minded people on
+the premise that: it's more important to attempt creativity in lieu of perfection.
+
+
+## What now?
+
+Honestly I'm going to just keep chugging along with the stuff I'm working on.
+Even though I hate being busy and brushing people off it seems that this has
+happened to me 9999x times by now so to hell with it all. I'm just going to do
+the things I want to do and if someone decides to pop up their head from the
+sand and wants to do something cool I'll join them.
+
+