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83 lines
3.3 KiB
Markdown
83 lines
3.3 KiB
Markdown
---
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title: Agressively Creating Again
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description: null
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date: 2026-06-20T01:16:06-07:00
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draft: false
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category: article
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---
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_welcome to a horridly constructed stream of conciousness spew of bullshit_
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# A thought on Creating for the Sake of Myself
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I've was sick for sometime prior to writing this and due to the huge amount of
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time I spent rolling around on the rug that became my bed I had a renewed sense
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of drive to actually create what I want. It's not really the time that I lost
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during this period that upsets me but instead the desire to actually make
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something and having no real way of actually doing those things.
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In the pursuit of actually trying for a goal I've had in my head for so long I
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found myself becoming complacent with myself and ultimately I stopped trying.
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Stopped trying to do anything of real meaning to myself: I was just going day
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by day isolated in my little apartment becoming increasingly detached from
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everything around me.
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## A dull mind serves me no purpose
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> Working on new projects that challenge my mind's ability to process and manipulate
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> things has historically only resulted in far greater issues in the long run.
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When this happens I usually have to change my mindset going forward to make a kind
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of course correction and ensure I don't completely lose grip on the space around
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me. This is exactly what I realized I had to do as my sickness started to fade
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and my energy went back to normal. The more I came back and came through the more
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I saw how so many around me were allowing their minds to become dull and I just
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did _not_ want to deal with the consequences of that sort of thing.
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## Shaping space again and running this mind hard again
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As for what I've been creating it's a collection of things consisting of long
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standing backlog items I never cleared and projects that I've dreamt of doing.
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The small fixes include things like:
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* Cleaning off the balcony so it's work friendly
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* Fixing the broken leg on my workbench
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* Fixing up the cable management issue ( bunny keeps attacking wires )
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* Fixing my duffle bag zipper
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The main project's I've been wanting to tackle and actually have started:
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* Working on content to upload to my temper youtube page
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* A new desk setup that isn't some cheapo setup from Ikea
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* A new daily bag for carry stuff like my wallet, phone etc.
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## But why constantly try to be productive
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I don't actually care about being productive but moreso because it feels nice
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to express what's on my mind physically. For example the desk doesn't really
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matter to me so much as the desire to express my idea of acceptable progress
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towards some goal.
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To elaborate: I'm not good at traditional joinery techniques like making mortise
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and tenon joints but I'm ok with making some really janky ones that still end
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up being functional. Doing this and expressing it through the build and some
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voice over gives me the opportunity to effectively gather like minded people on
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the premise that: it's more important to attempt creativity in lieu of perfection.
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## What now?
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Honestly I'm going to just keep chugging along with the stuff I'm working on.
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Even though I hate being busy and brushing people off it seems that this has
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happened to me 9999x times by now so to hell with it all. I'm just going to do
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the things I want to do and if someone decides to pop up their head from the
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sand and wants to do something cool I'll join them.
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